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Nothing can kill romance faster than the words prenuptial agreement (also affectionately known as a prenup). But before you decide to shelve the idea, you might want to consider some of the advantages of having such an agreement before leaping into marriage.

A prenuptial agreement is a contract between two people about to wed that outlines how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. The notion of a prenup is not new. In fact, it has existed for thousands of years in some form or another, particularly among royalty in European and far Eastern societies who needed to protect their family’s wealth and namesake. However, you don’t need to be rich and famous to need a prenuptial agreement.

Why You Need a Prenuptial Agreement

We know that it is hard to think of divorce when you’re thinking of making a lifelong commitment. It even seems self-defeating. But the truth is that divorce is a reality for many couples. We have all heard the startling statistics: 1 in 3 first marriages end in divorce and 50% of second or third marriages hit the skids.

So, a prenup isn’t such a crazy idea. In the end, a prenuptial agreement can help minimize the financial and emotional toll of dealing with a divorce. Couples without one will have their assets distributed for them by the state (i.e., divorce court) if the marriage ends and they disagree on who gets what.

Still, only 5% of couples getting married for the first time and 20% of couples preparing for their second marriage write prenuptial agreements. Some couples forgo the prenup conversation because they are afraid that their partner may think that they have reservations about the stability of their relationship. There is also an urban myth that only the rich and famous need to worry about protecting their wealth, so many people skip the prenup issue because they don’t think that it applies to them.

The truth is that prenuptial agreements are relevant to everyone. After all, an asset is an asset. You may not be worth millions, but you are worth something. You may even be worth more in the future. This last point is particularly important if you are young and just starting out in your career.

Did you know that your spouse might be entitled to a significant percent of your future earnings if he/she supported you in some way (this may be as small as giving you money for groceries) during your college days? There is actually a mathematical formula that lawyers use to calculate the value of professional credentials (e.g., law and medical degrees) in terms of the amount of money that you will make during your entire working life. According to the law, your spouse may be entitled to a percentage of this calculation.

A prenup is also important if this is a second (or third) marriage for either you or your partner. Without a prenup, assets could end up in the hands of your or your spouse’s children from a previous marriage.

Steps in the Prenuptial Process

1. Initiate the discussion early. Whatever you do, do NOT wait until a week before the wedding to broach this touchy subject.

2. Come to a consensus with your partner about what you want the prenup to say. Why pay a lawyer for what you and your darling can hash out together?

3. Hire separate attorneys who specialize in marital law. To help ensure that the prenuptial agreement is legally binding, you need to have your own lawyers.

4. After drafting the prenup with your respective attorneys, make sure to seal the deal with your signatures (duh!).

5. Review and revise the prenuptial agreement every few years to ensure that it continues to reflect your current situation.

Breaching the Subject

It’s understandable that you have reservations about breaching the subject with your partner. But you shouldn’t let your concerns or your preconceptions get in the way of dealing with something that is as important as your financial future. That being said, you should make it a part of your discussions with your sweetie about how you plan on managing your finances as a married couple (e.g., joint or separate bank accounts, pension plans, stocks, life insurance and wills). Consider as smart financial planning. And if your partner freaks out when you say that you want a prenup, assure her that this is about financial planning and not about your lack of confidence in the stability of your relationship. If she is still skeptical, remind her that many perfectly healthy individuals write wills – that is, you don’t need to be dying in order to have a will.

If your partner is the one to initiate the prenup discussion, consider yourself luck. It’s a good sign that you have a financially savvy woman on your hands. And if you continue to be concerned about your sweetie’s undying love for you, ask yourself this question: Would she really be willing to endure the trials and tribulations of wedding planning if she was unsure about the future of your relationship?